trees with roots growing together

Are You Worried That Your Relationship Or Marriage Is In Trouble?

Do you often get into heated arguments with your spouse over what seem like trivial matters? Has there been a breakdown in communication in your relationship that makes you feel like you are only talking to yourself sometimes? Perhaps disagreements or differences in parenting styles are creating friction that ignites into angry outbursts in front of the children. Or maybe the extraordinary task of raising a family and balancing other responsibilities at work and at home has left little time for your once passionate relationship. It may be that sex or intimacy issues are creating a disconnect in an otherwise healthy relationship, and you want to know how to rekindle that bond. Has infidelity turned your world upside down and caused you to lose trust in your partner, and you wonder if the relationship is still worth saving? Or maybe you and your partner are going through a divorce and looking for healthy co-parenting strategies and a sense of peace and closure. Do you wish you knew how to adapt, repair or restart your relationship and be happy once again?

“But love is really more about an interactive process. It’s about what we do, not just what we feel. It’s a verb, not a noun.” Bell Hooks

Relationship problems can have an enormous impact on every aspect of your life, from your ability to concentrate at work to your sense of self. Whether you’ve been together for one year or thirty, you may have a growing sense that you and your partner are just going through the motions, leading to feelings of inadequacy and disconnect. You may feel frustrated, defeated and unsure what to do, especially if it seems relationship issues have begun impacting your children. Before you know it, the happiness, authenticity, and confidence you once experienced with your partner becomes blurred.

Almost Every Relationship and Marriage Faces Challenges

Much of what we are taught about relationships and marriage comes from popular culture. Songs on the radio fill us with the desire for a perfect love that requires no effort. Romantic movies encourage us to believe in an infallible love, personally tailored by the universe just for each of us. And the constant social media stream of picture-perfect couples can lead us to believe that everyone else has a successful relationship, prompting us to question and criticize our own. But the truth is, despite the Beatles’ best intentions, love is seldom all you need . Without work and commitment, love is simply not enough to maintain a healthy relationship.

columnsUnfortunately, in today’s society, people are not taught how to build a successful relationship, much less how to manage conflict to preserve one. Many of us believe a healthy relationship must be conflict-free. In reality, almost every couple experiences periods of conflict, and few partners agree with one another 100 percent of the time. The key to creating healthy relationship is learning how to effectively manage conflict when it arises. That’s why couples counseling can be so helpful. With a skilled and compassionate couples counselor, you can learn how to mitigate conflict, improve your communication and adapt to the dynamic of your relationship.

Counseling For Couples Can Help You Become More In-tune With Your Spouse

If you and your partner are committed to engaging with the therapy process, positive change is absolutely possible. Just like anything in life, to get better at something, you have to work at it. So, if your only choices are to remain suffering in your relationship as it is or call it quits, then couples counseling is a logical, and healthy alternative. In learning to better understand each other –- and yourselves, you and your partner can strengthen your marriage, deepen your family bond and reconnect to the person you love.

“What counts in a happy marriage is not how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” Leo Tolstoy

I provide a safe, compassionate, environment in which you can openly discuss your unique concerns and outline what improvements you would like to experience. I never judge or “go after” one person, because your relationship is a partnership that works through harmony, not blame. In our sessions, I can teach you how to manage conflict effectively, so that arguments don’t spiral into meaningless storms of emotion. I will show you how to listen to and hear your spouse so you can approach each other with empathy, identify the true pain causing the conflict and respond to it in a healthy and productive manner.

If you are in an enduring marriage and you want to reconnect with your spouse, I can teach you how to adapt to the continuous evolution of your relationship so you can enjoy your life in the present moment. Conversely, if you are in a new relationship I can show you how to build a strong foundation of communication, trust and compassion so that if you encounter obstacles or challenges down the road, you already possess the tools to navigate them together. And, if you are a couple looking for a way to exit your marriage gracefully, especially for the sake of your children, I can help you establish a mutual harmony in your new roles as parents and friends.

Change is completely possible. With your dedication and my guidance, we can start to repair, improve or even rekindle the profound relationship you had with your spouse and your family. You deserve to have a deeper and more enduring connection with those you love, and counseling for couples can help.

I have been considering relationship counseling, but I still have a few concerns…

I’m afraid that I will look like a failure for seeking help.

Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness or failure. Unfortunately, our sense of dignity, pride and self-respect often betrays us into thinking that we alone hold the key to overcoming any challenges we face, but that just isn’t so. It’s likely that you have already tried everything in you own power to make your relationship better, so why not reach out? All of us need help sometimes. If you are committed to improving your marriage, you’ve already demonstrated that you are not a failure.

I am afraid that the relationship counselor will take sides and I’ll be the enemy.

No one is an enemy in a relationship, especially one you are committed to healing, and I never take sides because neither party is wrong or bad. Couples counseling is not about assigning blame or fixing one individual’s behavior. It’s about exploring, in a safe environment, the hidden truth that often underlies each person’s emotions or actions. It’s about giving each individual a safe and non-judgmental place where he or she can be heard and explore those feelings. By getting to the source of the problem, we can eliminate false triggers for conflict and develop healthy mechanisms to help deal with each person’s very valid emotions and concerns.

I don’t know if there is any hope.

There is always hope for mending or rekindling your love for one another. In a matured relationship or marriage, couples therapy can be extremely helpful in helping you adapt to and appreciate where you are in your marriage. Often we feel that once the initial feeling of passion has passed and evolved into something else, the relationship is doomed. The truth is, everything evolves with time – our bodies, our minds, even our relationships. Calling it quits or giving up hope when your partnership enters a new phase is not the answer. With a skilled and compassionate couples counselor, you can learn how to reconnect, become more engaged with your spouse and cultivate a caring, fulfilling relationship.

You and Your Partner Don’t Have To Struggle Alone

Please call, text or email me to set up a free 15-30 minute phone or in-person consultation. I would be happy to discuss your unique situation, needs and concerns and answer any questions you may have about couples counseling and my practice.

Schedule A Free 15 Min Consultation